Letters To Arnold
by witchofdanight1316
Summary: After Arnold left for San Lorenzo with his Newly- found parents, things start to go downhill for Helga. But Helga needs to realize she is not the only one suffering from his departure. H&A, angsty a bit.
1. Prolouge

Letters to Arnold

Prologue

_Dear Arnold,_

_Hey, it's me again. It's been awhile since I last wrote you. Actually it hasn't. It's only been a day, but it feels like a while. _

_I had that test in physics; though I'm pretty sure I bombed it. I didn't study like I promised you I would; I guess I was too busy daydreaming again. Maybe I should see a doctor about that._

_You came up at lunch today. Gerald, Stinky, Sid and Phoebe were all talking about that time we saved the city from those developers, do you remember that? We were telling some freshmen about it who were too young to really remember. _

_Gerald took a lot of credit, but he talked about you. I think everyone is afraid to. You're kind of an unspoken legend now Football Head, sometimes everyone treats you like you were the most amazing person in the world, and other times they call you a busybody brownnose, but they never speak of you unless they have to._

_Sometimes I wonder if they forget about you. Once in a while when you do come into the conversation, it seems like it takes a moment or two for memories of you to enter into everyone's conscious. You aren't a main thought in their minds like you are with me. I think everyone has this bad impression that you're never going to come back…_

_But you are coming back right? After high school and traveling the world a bit with your parents? I know you missed them a lot when they finally came home, but you kind of left us hanging. We've always been kinda your family Football Head, I know your crazy grandparents even miss you._

_Oh, by the way, your grandma's in jail again. Something about attacking the mayor…I have no idea. I'll send you a copy of the police report if I can get a copy of it._

_I know I keep talking about how much I want you to come home, because I feel like you've faded from everyone's minds. I don't want you to be forgotten, I mean, criminey, you changed our lives every day when you were here. _

_Now I'm ranting…dammit._

_Oh, I also stopped taking the pill. I figured it was a waste, considered you're the only one I'd ever want to be with that way. And all the guys refuse to try to ask me out, probably because they know I'm reserved for you. I think that's why they don't talk about you either; I think they just don't want me to get upset like I first did when you left. Don't worry, I don't cut anymore. That was a stupid idea and I hated every minute of suicide watch. I never wanted to kill myself; that would just bring me farther away from you. _

_I've been thinking a lot lately about the day you left. More than usual, if that was even possible. You told me to wait for you, didn't you? I think you did. How long do you plan on making me wait? I don't want to wait forever, but I know that I would, just for you. God, maybe I __do__ need to see a shrink, this can't be normal…_

_Come home soon Football Head, I freaking miss you._

_Love,_

_Helga G. Pataki_

_P.S. I love you Arnold. _

Helga sighed as she folded the letter perfectly before placing it in a crisp white envelope. She neatly wrote his name and last known address on the front, before placing it in her desk drawer with the dozens of other letters she never sent.

TBC


	2. Doe Eyes and Broken Mirrors

Letters to Arnold

Chapter 1

_Dear Arnold, _

_Another day, another boring class. English isn't worth my effort this year, because I can't do anything creative. You know how much I hate writing with 'rules'…_

"Helga, are you paying attention?" Helga looked up from her little pink notebook to the front of her eleventh grade English class, Mrs. Silveira glaring at her from the smart board.

"Of course Mrs. Silveira." She chirped in her fake pleasant happy voice. Mrs. Silveira's freckled nose wrinkled at the idea that a student could not be interested in rhetorical analysis of essays.

"Oh? Then why don't you tell me the three methods used to persuade in an argument?"

Helga wasn't dumb; her notes from earlier were sitting right in front of her.

"Ethos, Logos, and Pathos." The pregnant teacher's eyebrows rose, and with a crimson blush of frustration from being shown up by a student, turned back to the board.

"Well then…it may be better, Ms. Pataki, if you kept your eyes on the screen rather than in your notebook."

"I'll keep that in mind, Mrs. Silveira." Helga said with a subtle snide jab behind her words. She wished she could leave this class; she hated it, and it stunted her creative flow.

…_my teacher is such a bitch. I know you always say there is good in everyone Football Head, but sometimes I wonder if it's true about really 'everybody'…_

The bell rang shrilly, and Helga began packing up her desk when Silveira once again, called to waste more of Helga's time.

"Helga, may I speak to you for a moment?" Helga didn't understand why she tried to make it seem like she had a choice in the matter; they both knew she didn't. Herald snickered at her with a big gap toothy smile with Stinky before bolting out of the classroom.

Helga decided to get them later, and turned her attention to the brunette sitting at the front of the class, hands resting on her bulging stomach.

"Helga, you seem to not have much of an interest in my class."

"What would give you that idea?" The teacher ignored the sarcasm.

"You spend most of the class daydreaming, or staring off into space. And your papers…" Mrs. Silveira pulled out a staple essay with an 'A-'written in the margin in red ink.

"You seem to understand the idea, but you put no passion into you papers. They are very bland, no originality at all."

"I'm sorry you do not like my essays Mrs. Silveira."

"I thought this was interesting, because most people try to put at least a little of their personality into their essays, despite the topic, so I looked into your folder from your creative writing class from last year."

'Oh god,' Helga inwardly groaned. 'Here it comes…'

"What I saw was some of the most incredible work I've ever seen in a student. I cried reading your poems." 'This coming from the woman who cries at the thought of road kill' thought Helga, eyes rolling.

"I guess rhetorical analysis isn't my cup of tea then." The blonde dismissed. She hated when teachers tried to reach out to her like this; it never worked because they never could relate to how she was feeling.

"No, you are quite able to do the analysis papers just fine. But I feel like you've disconnected from everything and everyone. I've been watching you in the halls as well Helga. I am quite worried that you may feel depressed or lost. If you ever need somebody to talk to I would be more then-"

She couldn't help it, Helga let out a bark of a laugh.

"Criminey. Look Silveira, I know you're a teacher and all, and you're supposed to help students and stuff, but don't bother with me."

"Excuse me?"

Helga leaned over the desk, and stared into her teacher's brown deer frightened eyes.

"It's too late for me. The only salvation I could get left about four years ago." With that, she turned and left the classroom.

Mrs. Silveira didn't even call out for her to stop.

Helga went to her locker, only to open it and slam it closed.

'Damn Silveira, stupid bitch. She has no idea what I've gone through, what I am going through…no one has any idea.'

"Helga?" God, she was tired of hearing her name today. Helga turned around to see her Japanese friend Phoebe standing innocently behind her.

"What did Mrs. Silveira need?" She asked, pushing her large circle glasses up on her nose.

"Just to complain that my essays lack 'personality'." She put air quotes around 'personality' before leaning heavily against the locker. "She just doesn't like me because she's scared of me."

"Why would she be scared of you?"

"The same reasons everyone else in this damn school is scared of me." Helga pulled her blue hat over her eyes.

"She may like you if you were less hostile towards her you know. She is a very meek person Helga, you should be more gentle towards her."

"She gives me no reason to show her pity. If she wants pity then she should show me some respect."

"Helga…" Phoebe sighed, and just shook her head before pulling out her day planner to write down a memo. Phoebe knew of Helga's dilemma. She knew of everything Helga had gone through since He left. She felt sorry for her, and wanted to help, but Helga was beyond her reach.

The only one that could reach her was unreachable himself.

Phoebe prayed often for Arnold to return, if only to retrieve Helga from the bottomless abyss she had sunk to. Phoebe only wanted her friend back, and she felt that she did not ask for very much in life.

She looked down, thinking for a moment as Helga found Herald and proceeded to punch him between the eyes, when an idea arose in her mind.

It was risky, and may require some research, but it could work…

_Dear Arnold,_

_You came up again at lunch today. I don't think it was intentional, but I just wanted you to know that you really are still being thought of at least a little bit._

"I'm serious man! We all freaked out! That ghost bride was real! Ask Gerald! Gerald?"

Gerald looked up from his mashed potatoes, nodding absently before returning to his food. Sid continued on to his freshman girlfriend.

"But, if ah remember right, Curly and Helga both dressed up like the Ghost Bride and scared the shit out of us." Helga glanced up at her name, not interested in her tomato soup.

"Haha, remember Arnold being so convinced there was nothing to be afraid of, and went to confront the ghost head on?"

"Well yeah, Arnold was always the one looking for a logical explanation." Eugene said, unable to really touch his food with both of his arms in casts.

"What ever happened to him anyway?" Sid asked, looking around the table. All eyes fell on Helga, who angrily stared at her red soup.

"He moved away. His parents came home and he left with them to travel around the world." Gerald answered, trying to move the focus away from Helga

"Is he ever comin' back fellas?" Stinkey asked. Gerald just shrugged.

"He said he would Stinky, and you know Arnold always kept his promises." Sid piped up again.

"Boy howdy, it really sucks that he left, I mean, he kept everyone together and stuff."

"He was just a dork. He was always getting inta' stuff that wasn't any of his business." Herald growled, crossing his arms in annoyance.

"He saved your ass a dozen times Herald."

"I know, it's just that, dammit, he was so nosey!"

"You're right though. Sometimes he was kind of a busy body..." Rhonda sighed, examining a tomato from her toss salad with her fork.

"He always had the best intentions pink boy. You guys were always lost without him." Helga finally said, standing up.

"When he comes back, I'm going to tell him exactly what you guys think about him, idiots." With that she grabbed her backpack and stomped out of the cafeteria.

Everyone looked down at their food in silence, and maybe shame.

_Dear Arnold,_

_I cried today._

_I haven't cried since you left, but at the mention of you, I couldn't help it. _

_It wasn't actually the conversation itself, but more like the subtle air around everyone at the lunch table that you're gone forever. That's not true. I refuse to believe it._

_After that scene in the cafeteria, and I stepped out into the hallway, my chest went from the dull ache it usually has to a sharp pain that made it hard to breathe. I couldn't control the tears._

_God damn it Football Head, why did you leave me alone?_

"Helga? My goodness, are you crying?" Somehow Helga had managed to sink to the floor with her knees to her chest. Standing above her was Lila Sawyer, probably the last person Helga wanted to see at that moment.

Helga stood up, hiding her face with the inside of her arm, bolted up and down the hallway into the nearest girl's bathroom.

"Helga! Wait! Please! I wish to make sure you are alright!" The sound of Lila's saddle shoes clicked behind Helga's converses. 

Helga stared at herself in the scuffed up bathroom mirror. Her eyeliner was smudged, and her face was red and blotchy. She sniffed, disgusted with herself for crying, and starting splashing herself with cold water.

_You know that Lila that you used to like so much in fourth grade? I'll have you know she hasn't changed much. She still tries to get close to me. You could probably already guess that until today I never allowed it. _

"Helga? Are you in here?" Lila entered the bathroom and laid her eyes on Helga, whose face was lowered into the sink. Lila heard muttering and sniffling.

"Helga…"

She slowly approached Helga, knowing full well that just because Helga never hit Lila before doesn't mean she never will, especially if she's seeming to openly provoke her.

"What do you want, Miss Perfect? Can't you see that I'm busy over here?"

"I'm ever so sorry Helga, but I thought I saw you crying and I was worried that…"

"Don't worry about me Lila. Why don't you go hang out with your preppy ballet friends or solve world hunger or something…"

Lila stood still for a moment, unsure whether or not to salvage any friendship they once had. Lila and Helga never did get along, especially with their silent battle over Arnold when they were younger.

Who won? We'll get to that story later on.

Lila sighed, before turning.

"I do not know if you still have it Helga, but feel free to call me if you ever need me. We may not be best friends but…I know I am experiencing the same pain you are because he is gone." Helga froze.

"You may seem to think that no one else felt it when he left Helga, but many of us in fact did, and feel some if not almost as much pain as you. There are many who are willing to help you get over him. I have even heard a rumor that Brainy likes you. Goodbye Helga." With that, she exited the bathroom, leaving Helga to stare at her own dripping reflection.

_Arnold, _

_For the first time since you left, I considered moving on from you._

With sudden anger, Helga punched the mirror, smashing it before walking out of the bathroom and ignoring the trail of crimson that followed her.

~~TBC


	3. Chained But Still Moving

Letters to Arnold

Chapter 3

_Dear Arnold,_

_I got called__down__to the principal's office today._

_Something about me punching Herald or something…_

"You can't use violence to solve your problems Ms. Pataki. Any more incidents like this and you may find yourself out of this school, do you understand me?"

_I really didn't know what she was talking about until much later. I hit Herald and the other guys so often I didn't really think it was an odd occurrence. Do you? I did worse when you were here__,__ if you remember._

"He insulted me, Principal Gahagan. My anger got the better of me."

"That's your excuse every time, Pataki."

"That's because it's always true. I don't attack unprovoked." Principle Gahagan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. This was the third violence issue that day. What kind of school was he running here?

"Listen young lady, this is your final warning. I have no qualms about expelling you if I catch you in another confrontation. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah, yeah. Can I go now? I'm gonna miss the bus." Gahagan merely groaned in frustration, and gave up, sending her on her way.

As Helga reached the door of the principal's office, Gahagan spoke up.

"Whatever your problem is, Pataki, you'd best get over it if you want to get anywhere in life." Helga grunted before slamming the principal's door, causing a potted plant to fall inside.

Helga just barely caught the bus home, and remained mute through the ride as the teenagers surrounding her buzzed with news about upcoming events.

Prom.

Yearbook.

The class trip.

_Why can't I be excited about all of these things, Football Head? Why can't I be picking out prom dresses with Phoebe and making a list of things I need for the big trip? Why can't I be happy too? Why have you impacted my life so much? _

"Hey Helga, do you want to go shopping for prom dresses?" Phoebe, Rhonda, and Nadine's eyes were all staring at Helga from over the green bus seat in front of her. Phoebe had explained to them that Helga needed some 'girl time' and that was all the incentive Rhonda needed to formulate a girls' night to prepare for 'the biggest night of their lives', as she so well put it.

"I don't know, Pheebs. Tonight's not a great night…" Helga said, glancing out the window at the city rolling by.

"Every night is a bad night Helga… C'mon, this will be fun. We'll get all set up with dresses, accessories..." Rhonda started.

"Purses and hair…" Phoebe added.

"Dates…" Nadine said, obviously trying to be helpful, but failing. All Rhonda and Phoebe glared at her while Helga sighed.

"I'll think about it, okay? But honestly, I don't think I'm even going to prom, so I don't see the point in-"

Rhonda gasped. "Not go to prom? Are you crazy? How could you miss something SOOO important?"

Helga could see her stop coming up and stood, collecting her things.

"Because going to prom means finding a date, and the only boy who would even give me a chance is off probably making out with some other girl in some far away land or some crap like that." She slung her bag over her shoulder.

"And I can't just settle for someone less." With that, she pushed her way off of the bus as quickly as she could before any of the three girls could comment farther. Phoebe watched Helga storm off the bus and walk down the street, hands in her pockets. She looked down at her cell phone and sighed.

"Goddammit. I can't keep living like this anymore."

_I think I want to try and get over you, cheese head. I've wasted so much time on you, and if you're not coming back, I at least want a life that is mine. You understand, right?_

_Right__,__ Arnold?_

"I'm home!" Helga screamed, slamming the door behind her. Big Bob grunted an acknowledgement from his recliner, his beeper commercial blaring from the television screen. Helga worked her way through the main hallway into the kitchen, where Miriam Pataki was hunched over on the counter, snoring with a coffee cup in her hand.

Helga wondered over to the fridge, opening it.

"Sleeping on the job again, Miriam?" She grumbled, causing Miriam to awake with a start.

"Oh- uh- good morning, Helga."

"Its three thirty in the afternoon, Miriam."

"Oh…" She drowsily looked at her watch. "I guess it is."

"Whatever. I'll be in my room." Helga grabbed a Coke from the fridge and quickly trudged up the stairs.

Miriam looked down at the pile of mail she had been sifting through earlier that day and realized something.

"Helga! Helga you have a-"

_SLAM!_ Helga's bedroom door slammed shut behind her.

"Letter…" Miriam pondered what to do with it for a moment, and decided to place it in a drawer by the telephone to give to Helga later.

~TBC


	4. Hey Helga

_Dear Helga,_

_I'm sorry I haven't been writing lately. Many of the countries I've been __to__ don't have air mail… I really am sorry._

_Phoebe managed to track me down with __e-mail__ and tell me what's been going on. You need __e-mail__ Helga, seriously._

_She made it seem like you are really depressed__;__ are you okay? And don't lie to me like you tend to do._

_I've got some great news! My parents want to come back to town! We're going to move into the house next do__or to the boarding house, isn't that great? I'm going to re-enroll in school and everything!_

_I want to be there in time for prom… I know I don't deserve it, but I would love to be able to go with you. Is that okay? Let me know._

_I miss you__,__ Helga. I still love you__._

_Love,_

_Arnold_


	5. First Everything

Letters to Arnold

_Dear Arnold,_

_Phoebe somehow convinced me to go prom dress shopping with her, Rhonda, and Nadine._

_Kill me, please…_

"What about this one, Rhonda?"

"It makes you look like a ladybug, Nadine." Nadine lowered the fabric that she had previously raised proudly to show off to Rhonda with an "oh…"

"Seriously Nadine, would it kill you to find a dress that doesn't make you look like a bug?"

Nadine paused, and then clutched her chest in an obvious fake heart attack. Rhonda rolled her eyes and went back to looking through the racks of dresses.

Phoebe and Helga were on the other side of the store, Helga mostly trying to find a dress for Phoebe to keep the focus off of her. But Phoebe was determined to help Helga find that 'perfect dress'.

_Is bah humbug appropriate here, or only during Christmas?_

"Phoebe, are you going with Gerald?" Helga asked, flipping through some racks, pretending to be interested although she was anything but.

"Well, yes. He asked me a while ago."

That's good, Pheebs." Helga glanced over to her. Her face was blushing red as she spoke.

"Hey, Helga… Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Pheebs." Helga muttered, still distracted.

"The first time… Does it hurt a lot?" Helga's fingers stopped over the hangers.

_Phoebe asked about my first time, you know, having sex. So awkward._

"What do you mean?"

"Well…you know…." Her face got redder, as did Helga's.

_Why did she want advice on this? Why did she want advice from __**me**__?_

_Do you remember our first time, Football Head? We made it as perfect as we could. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I hope you know that._

_I hope you feel the same._

"A bit, but don't worry, Pheebs. If it's done right, you'll be fine. I'm sure Gerald will be gentle." Phoebe smiled shyly and went back to searching.

It was silent between them for a few moments, and Helga was beginning to feel relieved that the questions were over, but she was wrong.

"Was he your first?"

Helga paused again, her face turning a brighter crimson. "Y-yeah. He was."

"Was it good?"

"About as good as it could have been."

_I didn't want to talk about it. That memory is private. It was one of the best nights of my life, even though you ended up leaving only a few days later…_

"If he was here, would you go with him to prom?"

"What's with all the questions today, Phoebe?" Helga snapped, uncomfortable with the prodding. "What is this? A freaking interrogation or something? Crimmeny."

"I… You just don't talk to anyone, Helga, about anything. I want to understand what went on between you and Arnold to make you miss him this severely. I want to get my best friend back."

"Phoebe…"

_She doesn't understand Arnold. But how could she? No one does. _

"Phoebe, you know what he meant… what he _means _to me. What I had with him for that small amount of time was something I had wanted my whole life. You know that. Then, when I was the happiest I had ever been in my life… he left. Imagine how that would feel."

Phoebe was silent again as she dwelled on what Helga had said, but a smile returned to her face as she pulled a long pink dress from the rack.

"This would look great on you Helga." Helga humored her Asian friend and glanced up to check out the dress.

It was long, a girly pink with a slit all the way up to the lower thigh.

_So Arnold, I found a prom dress._

_Maybe I'll send you pictures._

_Only if you ask nicely of course, haha._

_Love, _

_Helga_

TBC

So this chapter was short, but I will add more hopefully this week… Hopefully. My week is full, but after school isn't. And next week is February Vacation, so I'll have a new one up by then if it kills me!

….I really hope it doesn't.

Love,

Mariah


End file.
